yourbestguysgun | -- oh dear diary, we fell apart.

[ Squirming away, because this is - well, he doesn't know what this is. ] Why didn't you tell me?

Because I was trying to protect you.

[ Scrubbing his face with the palm of his hand. ]

I don't -- Steve.

You've only been doing it all our lives.

Yeah, but it's my job, okay? I protect you, it's what I do, it's what m'good for. Shit.

[ Breathing shakily. ] Where the hell was I? Jesus. Who's genius idea was this?

[Steve's face looks horrible, drawn and in pain]

It was my idea, just mine, I was the only one on that plane, okay? Peggy wanted me to wait for Howard but there wasn't any time.

[ His fist clenches, because Bucky's bad with emotion and right now he's feeling far too much of it. Panic, panic is the main feature, because he has to remember when he gets out, he has to. ]

Bucky, it wasn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done.

[Because Steve knows that. He knows all that about Bucky.]

Why the hell not? Jesus.

Because it was my choice.

Bullshit.

[ And all of that pain is just going to get caught up in his throat, become angry. ] You can just take stupid fucking risks, okay? You just can't, that's not - that isn't fair, Steve.

[Steve shakes his head]

I had to. Do you think I would have let them take out New York? Just like that?

[ He stands then, his back turning to Steve, hands going to his hair and tugging. ] Shit, okay, we'll fix it.

I'm sorry that this....

I'm not sorry about doing it.

I'm not letting you die.

[ He wants to put his fist through the wall. ]

There's nothing you could do.

There's gotta be something, I just haven't thought of it yet.

Bucky, trust me.

[Please.]

You can't -- [ Still not looking at him. ] You can't just think I'm gonna sit back and let you, Steve. How many times have I waded in for you and you think I'd let you die alone?

Of course I don't. I would never think that.

Then m'gonna do somethin' about it.

[Steve takes a deep breath, and he nods, finally. The pit in his stomach gets heavier, because he doesn't want to lie, but even less than that, he doesn't want Bucky to know]

Okay. Okay.

[ Bucky breathes in, holds the breath for a moment, because he's gone and worked himself up. He should apologise, but there's only ever been one thing that could push him to the brink and that's the thought of losing Steve, of not having him in his life anymore.

Letting it out in a shakey exhale. ] Shit.

[Steve moves in just a little closer]

That wasn't fair. What I just put you through.

You should'a told me sooner, Steve. [ Because he'd rather know, and think of a way to keep the knowledge in his head when he leaves. ]

Fuck. [ Shoulders slumping. } Sorry, sorry. I shouldn't a - I just. [ He can't lose him. ]

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